Admission Status: Accepted… Now, What ?

Okay soo I know I’ve been MIA but for those that follow my Instagram (if you haven’t yet, what are you waiting for! @naturallymedicine_ & @ashleighnecole_) I got accepted into medical school in Dec 2020 and started in January 2021 ( and now just finished an ENTIRE year of medical school 🤯)… Literally, this was and continues to be a surreal experience…..BUT…..I have a confession guys, I wasn’t excited at the time🙈… like not even a little bit… I know what your thinking? “Ash, isn’t this what you’ve wanted for like EVER?” and yes, you would be correct!

But with everything happening so fast, I truly didn’t allow myself to take the time to celebrate the accomplishment. And this got me thinking…How many times have I, we, and even YOU received the very thing that we have prayed, sowed , fasted , cried, maybe even tried to bargain God for and NOT shown any enthusiasm?

At first, I was so disappointed in myself like “you finally got what you wanted, why aren’t you excited?” Then this disappointment turned into condemnation and finally it became a post 🤣 …just kidding (kind of 😁). But let me start from the beginning as to not confuse you.

Summer 2020- Applying

In summer of 2020, I took my MCAT for the fourth time (yes, you read that right, 4th time ) and began the application process for medical school …again. But this time, I went in with the mindset and heart’s cry of ” no matter the wait, no matter what the letters say, I will be a doctor and I wholeheartedly trust God for it.”

This was something that I had never fully done before and was so freeing because I begin to fully recognize who I am in Christ. ( I also began reading a book called “Defined- Who God Says You Are” which truly blessed me with greater understanding of who I am in Christ as well. I highly recommend it ! 😁 ).

Fall 2020- The Wait

As fall ended and winter began, I still was in faith even though I didn’t see receive any responses yet from my secondary applications. One night in late novemember, I randomly checked my old university email ( to this day, I have no idea why lol but I did) and there I find an email about applying to the American University of Antigua (AUA).

SN: if anyone knows me, they know I had a HUUUUGGGEEEE bias toward carribbean schools and absolutely refused to apply to them. Nevertheless, I prayed. I asked God to reveal to me my school and to guide me on whether or not I should apply.

Dec 2020- The Acceptance

While this was happening for me academically, spiritually I was called to preach my initial sermon at church on December 10th. ( talk about nerve-racking right !? ). The week before my initial sermon, I prayed again about AUA and in my spirit, I was at peace to apply. Fast forward to the end of the week, I had an interview with admissions.

During the interview, my interviewer stopped and said, “there is something about you, a light– you truly know who you are”. I could have cried right then and there because it was the sign I prayed for. It was my prayer right before going into the interview that if this is the school I am to go to that I have a sign and that it be a smooth process.

The following week , I had my initial sermon on Wednesday and got the call I was accepted into the school and global health focused program I wanted two days later.

Disappointment

From hearing how quick, smooth, and seamless, my acceptance experience was. One would think I would have been ecstatic. BUT instead, I felt that I was faking the excitement for others but truly didn’t feel it. It was as if I was numb or having an out of body experience. In this time, as I prepared all the necessary things needed for going to school, I began to get disappointed with myself for my lack of enthusiasm, joy, praise to God and general disposition. I became so angry with myself that this lead to condemnation.

Condemnation

I condemned myself for not acting how I thought I should act.

— Have you ever wanted something so bad that you imagine how you would respond if it happened? …If you have, then imagine if that very thing happens and you’re stoic , unresponsive? This is how I felt and like I am sure you would feel too in this scenario.

As this internal battle raged on, I eventually confided in my mom. She said to me “you are just in shock, but it’ll hit you soon enough”. At the time, I couldn’t see it but she was right. That night, I prayed and something changed. I began to encourage myself and reflect on the goodness of God rather than focus on my lack of a “proper” response.

Self Reflection

My self reflection lead me to scripture as I encouraged myself to get out of the “funk” I was in. I shifted my focus from myself to God. By doing this, I noticed that I had been so caught up on what I “imagined” my response to be, what I “felt” like I should act or say or do when in reality all I needed to do was take my eyes off of myself and place them on higher things-Christ.

I learned that in the time of preparation, we tend to use our imagination to anticipate and in some ways control the situation to how we believe it should occur. This can be a huge aid but also a huge down fall as well. It can aid us by keeping the vision before us because we know hope deferred makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12). However, it can hinder us by allowing anxiety to creep in when we receive what we have been praying for or even during the times of waiting.

I realize that during periods of waiting on God, our hope can become displaced from being grounded in God’s faithfulness to being placed in the world and our own abilities. This allowed for my “heart to become sick”, “anxiety to creep in” and condemnation to brew.

So how did I overcome this?

I am glad you asked, here are the things that I did and I hope that you try them to for when you experience similar feelings during your season of long awaited answered prayers:

Repent:

Repent comes from the greek word , “metanoeō” which means “to change ones mind” ; and this is exactly what I did. I repented for my lack of trust in His faithfulness, and lack of praise to Him for the answered prayers. I changed my mind on how I looked at, received and thought about God’s faithfulness, and what it means to praise God.

Prayer:

I took my self reflection into prayer. I cried out to God for help in learning how to trust Him fully to reground myself in Him.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Meditated the Word:

I focused on learning more about what it means to trust fully, the faithfulness of God and hope in God. I meditated scriptures on trusting God such as Philippians 4:6 and Proverbs 3:5. Other scriptures such as Romans 15:13, Lamentations 3: 21-23, 2nd Thessalonians 2:16-17 , Job 42:2 – were some that I studied and continue to look at as blind trust is an on going process.

“Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.”

Psalms 119:105

Worship:

From meditating the word, I was lead to worship God for just who He is and what He has done. At times, I had to push pass my feelings to do so but it was worth the sacrifice. I worship until the scriptures become my own, until I believe what I am saying – the Word of God – is true for Me despite what I see or feel.

I know this was a long one, but if you made it to the end–

And I hope that my story/ testimony, whatever you want to call this lol, blessed you and if it did, please feel free to share your stories with me too!

XO,

Ashleigh